Thursday, November 20, 2008

Mis-adventures in IT band land

I decided to go jogging the other day. It was a crappy day at work, I was generally in a bad mood, and I knew running (or in my case jogging) would do the trick. And since it's been exactly a month to the day since I last ran I figured it was time to hit the streets again.

I jogged to the gym, worked out for a bit, and jogged back home. That put in a total of 6 [very easy] miles. But what happened during my jog was completely unexpected. And it made me furious. I actually did stop at one point and screamed because the anger was too much to contain.

My IT band was causing the pain on the outside of my leg like it did during the marathons a month ago. And it hurt like it did then. In other words, it made me feel like the month I took off was completely pointless.

Running means a lot to me. It's literally the one glimmering light I have in my otherwise shitty day-to-day life. And I haven't found anything else that gives me anything near the satisfaction. Swimming is an okay sport but it's too lonely and it's really not fun when you have someone pushing you to get your heart rate near 170 BPM for an hour. I'm growing a fondness for biking but it's still nothing that's enough to replace running.

I really don't know what to do. I'm at a very odd point in my life. I'm dissatisfied with working and I don't think getting another job is the answer. I feel alone most of the time and I feel overwhelmed with everything I need to get done every day. And the thing that makes me happy, running, I can't do right now.

It's not clear to me what the bigger picture is out of all of this and that's another point of frustration. I hope something comes along soon because in all honesty, feeling this depressed inside literally hurts.


SteveQ said...

I've been there. First, try to change your thinking to being grateful for what you have, not depressed because of what you don't. Then, force yourself to do things for others and forget about yourself for a while. Last, laugh; when things go wrong you can either laugh or cry - it's your choice, so choose to be happy regardless.

Then remind me to do the same.

SteveQ said...

I've been thinking - you've had the same depressive episode earlier - it might be time to talk to a medical professional, just in case it's not just a bad patch you're going through.

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